This is the third of our “Remain Calm” livestream series. Hosted by Daniella Squicquero of The Hilton Head Life + The Beaufort Life.
This session, I’m joined by the gorgeous and multi-faceted Marceilla Beach, mom of two adorable littles and owner of two successful businesses. In this video, we talk all about balance — what it means, both in the home and for our health. We also dive into the world of expectations, and how they have shifted not only with the rise of social media, but in the new (albeit temporary) world of even more abundant time to scroll.
During this time of uncertainty, I hope you’ll find value in the words and insights of several awesome pros in various industries. To get in touch with Marceilla directly, find her on Facebook! Thanks for tuning in.
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Daniella Squicquero:
So today we are embodying the title of this live stream series, which is, as we all know, “Remain Calm.” And Marceilla has to do that. Speaking of Marceilla, we have the beautiful Marceilla Beach here, and she is working on that balance from home.
Marceilla Beach:
Here we are, just living in it right now, right? Like as if we just got the microphones to work, and now the kids are running, the dogs are barking and there’s just chaos happening all the time.
DS:
We’re just going to go with it. We’re just going to go with it. Our lives have become so… They’ve shrunk so much as far as actual, physical, geographic location. We are all literally living within the walls of our homes right now; especially now in South Carolina because they just recently did the… as opposed to a strong recommendation, they actually require that we stay at home at this moment, other than for those essential things. So let’s talk about this new norm from your perspective, let’s talk to all the mommies and daddies out there about what’s happening. You know, we’re hearing it in your background right now. So what does that look like for you?
MB:
You know, it’s funny because I think we create this image of what it’s supposed to look like. Like I have been a work from home mom for the past six years. I have a six year old, and I have a two and a half year old, and that looks different day to day. But when you’re actually forced to be within your four walls, instead of having the kids go to school part time or hiring a babysitter… We’re not hiring babysitters right now. We’re not going to school. We’re not going to the coffee shop to take 10 minutes. We’re just living in it, which is I think what is so different about the work from home status now. It’s no longer stay at home mom, work from home mom; you’re now a teacher, and a babysitter, and just kind of micromanaging everything day to day. But within your own four walls, there’s literally not much [room to] escape at this point. One thing that I think is really important about that is organization, and that’s just something that works for me. And I think it went from, I thought I was organized and people were like, “I don’t know how you do it. You have it together.” And [now] I’m like, Whoa, I thought I had it together until this happened. And now, I don’t think I haven’t together anymore.
DS:
That’s what makes it, you know, there’s normal and then there’s new normal. We’re always adapting, and there is always new normal. In this case, it just all happened at once. You may have had it the way you wanted it for what was normal before, but now we’re being forced to recalibrate.
MB:
Absolutely. And I think that’s part of what everybody’s a little bit overwhelmed by is, you’re forced to recalibrate; but what does that mean, and what does that look like for you? Everybody kind of bases a new norm off of what they see. But everybody’s new norm is so different. Just because you see one person rolling this way, that doesn’t necessarily work for you. It might not work for your timeframe. It might not work for the way that you understand business or organization. Some people are visual, some people are hands-on. I think a lot of it comes from the pressure that we receive from outside, or watching everybody kind of handle this their way. So we think, “I have to be doing it this way. That’s what’s working.” And, and there’s no real “how -to” book. You’re not going to get like, “How to Work From Your House During a Pandemic For Dummies.” It doesn’t exist.
DS:
Well, you might’ve just come up with something that we can make $1 million on.
MB:
I’ll just put it on my checklist over here. Right. Write a book, another book. I have all these other ideas. Let’s just add that to the list.
DS:
Well, you know, no time like the present. I mean, you know, what I do for a living puts me in my car in a lot of cases and just sort of running around town. Physically being in various locations. And so, my work largely can, and does, and has, followed me home — which is great, I’m thrilled to have it. But that time that is taken really just in that, not even really a commute, but that transition from one place to another, one physical space to another throughout my day can really be repurposed. I want to talk about expectations, though, because that’s something that we talked a little bit about off-camera that we really wanted to get into. It’s something that I think is really important for people to reflect on, right?
DS:
Especially with social media — now more than ever, people are on social media because once again, they’re stuck at home, and that’s a way to mentally get out of their space. So there is always this… There’s this term FOMO, “fear of missing out,” that really has come up relative to social media in particular because you’re watching all these people and you’re seeing their lives. But what you’re seeing is the edited, filtered… you know, 24-hours-to-produce-this–one-image version of their lives as opposed to the real, what’s going on behind the scenes. And then you match your expectations for your own life based on that nipped, tucked, edited version. It’s not realistic, and it’s not even realistic for them. It’s the best, polished version. And it’s a snapshot.
MB:
Right, exactly. And I think that’s really important when we talk about expectations, because there’s a difference between what is actually expected of us, and what we think is expected of us. And I think we are partially our own worst enemies when it comes to expectations, because we see how everybody else is doing it, and we’re watching the ease. And like you said, this Polaroid/panoramic view of somebody’s life, but they don’t know the backside of it. They don’t know if they broke down and cried before that moment finally hit like peace and calm and they just don’t know. So I think part of the thing that we need to realize is: Our expectations are so much higher than what the world is expecting of us right now. The world and the people around us are just expecting us to get by, honestly. Everybody’s just expecting everybody just to kind of move at their own pace.
MB:
We, on the other hand, are expecting ourselves to be teachers overnight and be stay at home moms. Some of us are career-driven moms that have hired babysitters, and daycares, and paid for school all the way up to now, so we could have a career. And taking a career shift to being a stay at home mom is a very heavy task because you, you lose that sight of what you give back to yourself. So becoming a stay at home mom is never easy on any level. Whether you do it in the beginning or you do it mid-range, but you have to remember to take care of yourself and setting expectations that are… They’re not there. There’s no expectations, but you set them for yourself. You have to be cautious of what you’re expecting of yourself and what you’re giving back. You can’t just keep giving out and not give back to yourself.
MB:
And you know, there’s a lot of people that are stay at home moms. There are a lot of people that do homeschool, and these are the people that I think now is the time to introduce yourself to those people and ask for help. And we don’t ask for help, I mean, as a community we just don’t ask for help. We’re very prideful in our own sense of the word. So we forget that people have been doing this, and this is their normal. So to ask them for quick tips and tricks, people are going to be more helpful than we think, especially in a sense of chaos. You know, it kind of takes down those barriers, it takes down those walls that we put up against everybody.
DS:
It does. And in my mind, I’ve sort of created this analogy of, you know, how life now has become analogous to how your makeup routine changes when you’re on vacation versus when you’re at work. It’s a totally different thing. I’m not very fussy as it goes, but it’s a very different thing where you wake up when you’re at the beach, and you just toss on a few things, you shag your hair up and you’re ready to go.
MB:
Oh yeah. I don’t think I’ve gotten out of my house slippers in like a week. I’m dressed on top, but every time my husband comes home he’s like, “ah, you’re still in your slippers.” I’m like, I haven’t left the house. I mean, I got dressed.
DS:
Legally, you’re not allowed unless you have to, so there’s your excuse.
New Speaker:
Right. Honestly, it’s funny, ’cause my hair is curled today. Normally, it’s in a messy bun. This actually was something that I learned off of one of these little videos on Instagram and they’re like, put your hair in a pony. And curl this section and curl that section. So I tried it this morning and I was like, Hey, you try something new. Might as well, I’m not going anywhere anyway.
DS:
Yeah. Well my hair’s looked just about like this for the last week or so. So…
MB:
I’m just ready for the salons to open back up. That’s one thing that I’m waiting for.
DS:
Exactly. Speaking of like that… you know, my first session of this show with Audra Soto, we also talked a little bit about self care, but we were talking about it more in terms of how are we staying, you know, mentally sane and healthy and all of that. In this case though, we’re talking about things that are really also very important, and that is: How do we see ourselves in this moment? I’ve been seeing some really funny memes about — speaking of expectations — your expectations of yourself slowly ticking down. You know, like, I haven’t been used to being this ugly. [laughs]
MB:
Right, right.
DS:
And no, I don’t think that. It’s just a shift. But somehow or other, right? Magically we just so happen to all be fine with it. So I think that’s really important, because it does cast a new perspective to say, okay, people don’t actually care that much after all. And I think that that is very powerful to realize. I realized it a long time ago, and that’s a really good thing. I can still see people mentally struggling with that on a regular basis. And I just think it’s really important.
DS:
So I know you’re a runner, and I love the fact that Wyatt loves to go out with you. Viewers, for those of you who don’t know Wyatt, he’s her little adorable chubby cheek Mr. and he’s the cutest little baby I’ve ever seen in my life. So are you still doing some of that? We’re just lucky you’re allowed to leave the house for that.
MB:
Yeah. So, you know, self care looks different for everybody. For me, running is a very important part of my mental health. It’s actually a lot more accessible to me right now because I’m not running out of the house to do so many things. I just don’t need to go anywhere. So I’m able to prioritize my running, and Wyatt, he’s six now. So he runs alongside me instead of running in the stroller, and Bailey’s in the stroller. And, and it helps set a tone. As a mom or a parent, moms, dads, single, together, it doesn’t matter — as a parent, our version of reality seeps into our children. So whatever we are feeling in this moment is what they’re going to anticipate this moment as.
MB:
They already don’t understand. They’re already not in school. They’re not allowed to play the playgrounds. They’re not allowed to talk to their friends except for virtually. It’s like something that you would expect to worry about when they’re like 15. And some of y’all’s kids are 15; mine are so young. I didn’t think we were going to hit this until teenage years that they were going to be virtually connecting. So to give them a sense of stability and to ground them to reality is helpful for me to be a mom, to be there for them and to help them to understand,. You know what? This is chaotic, but we control our own chaos. So if that means taking a run, riding a bike… I do daily self care because I’m a skincare enthusiast, so I’ll come out in my mask and Wyatt’s like, “mom, you’ve got your mask on.” And I’m like, I do.
DS:
I almost put one on for the show today.
MB:
It just makes me feel human again. And I think that, again, it goes back to our expectations of ourselves. Just because we’re in the house or we can’t go anywhere doesn’t mean don’t get dressed, don’t put your makeup on if that’s what makes you feel good; you do it for you. You don’t do it for the people out there. I know a lot of us think that we put ourselves together for the people out there, but day to day when we put ourselves together, we’re putting ourselves together for ourselves, and to make ourselves feel good about what’s going on today and to tackle our own daily list. So if that’s what makes you feel good, girl, put your makeup on in the morning if that’s what you want to do. I mean, some days I’m like, “I’ve got to put real pants on because I’ve been wearing shorts and yoga pants for an entire week” and I’m like, “I didn’t even run today and I wore workout clothes, so tomorrow I’m going to put on jeans.”
DS:
Right, right. Exactly. Well, I think that’s such an important point that you brought up too and it’s true. It’s true for girls and guys, right? You do whatever it is that you do to create the outward feeling of how you see yourself, for better or worse. That mirrors your version of yourself with what the world is seeing. That’s really all you’re doing. It’s not about them. It’s about you. So if you get up and you don’t care, and you’ve got a messy bun and sweat pants on, if you are comfortable — fantastic, do your thing. But if you look in the mirror and you think *sigh*… might be time to wash that hair. It’s you and how you feel. And that is part of that mental health, especially when we’re stuck within these walls right now.
MB:
I think people feel guilty because we can’t ask for help right now. Like I said, you can’t take the time. Some of us are single parenting. Some of us have spouses that are still working in the field, so you might not have that extra person in house. You don’t want to call a relative an bring them to the house, because you don’t know what’s out there. So you feel guilty for taking time to yourself. But you know, tablets and Disney+ and Netflix… Y’all, it’s not going to kill the kids for 10 minutes for you to go outside and take a deep breath. We need to remember that without a healthy us, there’s not a healthy house. So whether you are alone or with somebody, take that 10 minutes to for yourself is going to replenish that energy that you’re going to need to get through this. It might seem harder in the moment because we feel this guilt of taking time away from the kids. Or, “my friend doesn’t watch any TV with their kids.” Well, you know what? Some days they’re going to watch TV, some days they’re going to go outside, some days they’re going to eat a bag of Cheetos for breakfast and you’re just going to have to survive.
DS:
I do that, and I’m an adult. [laughing] But, I love that and I love that fact that you mentioned this guilt. Jjust to sort of change how we’re thinking about that for a minute: Going back to the appearance, and doing whatever you feel like you need to, whether that has anything to do with your appearance or not. Maybe it’s just screaming into a pillow for three minutes. I mean, you might need to do that. You might need that release. Whatever it is, right? But I think it’s still important not to allow yourself to feel guilt. You know, for me, one of the things that I absolutely have to have, if I’m doing anything to my face whatsoever, first thing I do is my eyelashes. I love mascara. That’s what I do. And we all have our favorite features, right? And so for me, that’s definitely it. But then there’s this idea that you’re not supposed to care. You’re not supposed to care what you look like. You’re not supposed to be vain like that. I just think that that’s a bunch of BS. Personally, I think that if it makes you feel good, you need to do it. And you need to own it.
MB:
And again, like you said, it’s coming through the grapevine. It’s not something that you set for yourself. It’s something that you feel people are setting outside of us. So, so what we really shouldn’t be doing in this time, like there’s things that we are expected to do, but something that we shouldn’t be doing is we shouldn’t be judging other for the others for the way that they are coping with this, because everybody’s coping mechanisms are different. Whether that’s putting your mascara on in the morning, running outside when people say you’re not supposed to, whatever it is — you can’t judge the way somebody is coping with the now because this is the reality right now. And everybody is trying to manage it the best way they can. The other thing is we can’t compare ourselves to other people’s journeys.
DS:
Now or then.
MB:
Right. So by comparing ourselves, and by allowing other people’s opinions to dictate our mood is just drawing this out longer for us. So those are the things that… I help encourage people, you know, it is hard. People are in it and they are in the weeds and they are feeling it. But the best thing that we can do is raise them up, help them out, pull them by the collar and say, “it’s okay. These weeds are gonna get cut soon. It’s fine. Let’s just move on.” Don’t judge them from how they feel and don’t give your opinion where it’s unwanted. And my husband calls it unsolicited advice. He doesn’t take unsolicited advice very well.
DS:
Neither do I.
New Speaker:
And it’s not our job, it’s not our job to tell somebody how we feel. If they ask for it, that’s fine. But I mean really everybody has their own opinions. Let bygones be bygones and don’t take it to judge what your mood is going to be for that day.
DS:
Oh, absolutely. [Commentary on questions]. Marceilla, let’s talk a little bit about what your husband does for a living. Talk a little bit about that because you guys together own a company, you are entrepreneurs. Even outside of Rodan + Fields, which of course you have that and that’s helped you have a great deal of time freedom in your life, which is fantastic.
DS:
But above that, you and Nick have this great company and you’re helping him with the back office stuff and all that scheduling. Let’s talk a little bit about what he’s doing right now, too and how home improvement is looking. Really shifting the topic for the moment, because I think this is a really good time — talking about mental health — to pick some projects. Pick a time, take a day, make it tomorrow. What else is on your calendar? Pick something. And then you’re also adding value to your space, not only for your own mental health. You can enjoy it while you’re live there, but you’re also adding actual equity value.
MB:
Yeah. So my husband and I own a remodel company, so he’s working a lot with people in the area that are remodeling right now. You know, when Daniella and I started talking about kind of the direction of how we wanted to do this, we wanted to talk about expectations. But one of the things I think we should also be doing right now is focusing on planning ahead. We can tackle those to do lists that we don’t have time for, and time is relevant to how you see it. So everybody has time for what they prioritize. Right? So these little things at home, or realizing [more about] the space that you’re within. We have two small children, and we knew buying this house it was a starter home for us, and we were going to sell eventually within 10 years because you start a business… Well, you buy a house and then you start two businesses thinking that you’re just gonna float everything.
MB:
So now we’re like in it, and we love it, but we’re looking for bigger and more space. But we never in a million years thought that this would happen in the middle of our 10 year plan. So here we are six years into our 10 year plan, and we’re like, “Whoa, we don’t have space for this.” So we have all these to do lists. Ladies and gentlemen, if you marry somebody who’s passionate about their trade, they often forget to do it at home. So I am married to an amazing — he can build you anything. He forgets that he has a house at home that we need to work on. So now’s a good time to tackle that list, and to set up plan and to set some goals and what does that look like? Does that look like adding onto your space, or does that look like moving into a bigger space?
MB:
Does that plan look like a plan B so this doesn’t happen? What does that look like? And what I really want to talk about in, in making that plan is now is the time to nurture those relationships with the people that can help you do it. Like a real estate agent in the area that knows the market, that knows what’s going on and knows how to benefit and the value of your home and what it needs to take. Because if you need two months, or you need a year, you talk to someone that knows what they’re doing, and do it. The mortgage agents, the bankers, these are the times that you can make friends with these people because first and foremost, so many people are looking for that communication. They’re looking for that value in a conversation. And there are a lot of extroverts stuck in the house right now and they would be happy to have a conversation about your plans and your goals for the next five to 10 years.
MB:
They would love that. It would, it would do nothing but excite them. So while we’re setting expectations for ourself and kind of avoiding what we shouldn’t do, what we should be doing is planning and checking the boxes: Alright, well how can I make the best of right now? Who don’t I know? Who can I meet? Support local businesses. You know, when people say that everybody thinks of financial stability and they were like, well, I don’t have the money to spend supporting local businesses, it’s not necessarily spending money. It’s sharing on social media. It’s engaging with their posts. It’s talking to a friend that’s looking for that connection. So if somebody asked me, Hey, I’m looking for what my house is worth, I’m going to introduce them to Daniella and say, I know somebody that you can talk to right now and now’s a great time to talk about it.
MB:
[In answer to a written-in question: One daily indulgence?] One daily indulgence. Do I have to pick one, or…
DS:
I was asking the same thing. I’m thinking, okay, how do I narrow this down?
MB:
I know. Are we talking, like, my face mask, or talking about my ice cream that I’m eating while I’m face masking? What are we talking about here?
DS:
Is it the 11:30am glass of rose? I don’t know.
MB:
I am a people pleaser. I am a giver, and it has taken me 30-some years to actually give back to myself. And now that I’ve realized that it’s okay, you know, it’s okay. The best daily indulgence? Pick your poison. What is your favorite indulgence? That’s what I think.
DS:
Exactly. It just depends on the day, what that day entails, and what it needs. At least for me. The one thing that hasn’t changed about the structure of my life — and some people, that has thrown them because they’re used to stability and a pretty structured schedule — I am all over the place all the time. So for me this is quite normal. I’m just bouncing off of smaller walls, so that’s been the biggest thing for me. But I love having these conversations with people, because can help. I do it because I can help you. I have all this knowledge and experience so I can help you.
DS:
I’d be useless without it, as far as my industry. So I love having these conversations. This is wonderful. And speaking for your community, right? This is one of the things that I can do. I’m able to use this platform and the knowledge I have on this. So for the viewers, I would challenge you. It’s not always about writing a check. What can you do? Even if it’s a one-to-one thing, it doesn’t have to be one-to-many. What can you do to help support somebody or something that you care about. Although we have less freedom at the moment, physical freedom, we do have more time. There are a lot of ways and we can repurpose that.
MB:
Right. And I think right now is a good time to inventory the value of our relationships. That’s something that I say often, but we have the time to sit here and spend time with quality people. Now it’s not hand in hand, face to face. But you know, if people don’t serve you or you feel like every time you read something or you talk to them, you feel drained, now is the time to repurpose the value of your relationships, and either put more into the good ones or kind of pull back from the negative ones. That’s where you’re going to grow. And there’s no time like the present. You can’t see anybody anyway. So if you did stop talking to somebody, they probably won’t know it until August.
DS:
Well, thank goodness for virtual meetings, audio difficulties or not. Marceilla Beach, thank you so, so much for joining me today. I hope everybody got some value from this. I know we went through a lot of topics in a fairly little amount of time. Marceilla, thank you so much for being here. It was a pleasure.
MB:
Thank you for having me.